A Mostly Truthful Account, Probably Partially Fantasized by a Teenage MindI saw you as I boarded our bus to embark on an adventure. I think. The details seem a little fuzzy because that week was completely surreal. There weren't many empty seats left, but I found one behind you and managed to sit away from everyone I knew, not necessarily on purpose. I tried to make small talk and found that I am bad at socializing, especially when trying to socialize with someone sitting in the row in front of me. Needless to say, you caught my eye. I think what got to me the most was your slow and steady smile. It showed up over several seconds, then it disappeared, and your eyes twinkled. Or maybe I'm being too romantic and I was too caught up in the wanderlust of exploring such a large place with so much freedom and so many opportunities. I remember when the bus reached its first stop, we all stood up...except for you because you had a window seat, and you were too tall to stand up under the baggage hold. I felt bad for you.
I remember when it was time for us all to leave each other. I got spun around by someone, I cried as I hugged my roommate, and then I found myself in your very secure embrace. You hugged a short girl the right way. I probably would have fought to stay right there for several minutes if you had thought it was more proper and I hadn't worried about my parents being behind me watching. I tried to keep up with you even though I hardly kept up with anyone else, not even my roommate who I still love so dearly. But eventually, as all not-in-person friendships do, ours began to fade away as we were both caught up in the whirlwind of choices about our senior years and what we would do with our futures. I was busy with so many things and I pushed myself to accomplish and give one hundred percent to so many things and I left everyone from that adventure out of my social circle. Then, by chance, someone said your name and I remembered all this and more. I found out you were going to college with me in the fall. I got a big case of butterflies, and after days of debate, I texted you again. You replied. It was a great feeling. I felt so triumphant even though I had accomplished practically nothing, but I felt good because I had done something that the heart wanted without letting the brain talk me out of it. That's where I am now. I am hoping for a friendship and quieting any want for more than that. My silly heart does not need to run around with romanticized notions of what might be, or of what currently is. Sometimes, talking to you feels like playing a hard game of chess where I can barely remember the rules. Other times, it feels like blowing bubbles and spinning around on a sunny day. I am looking forward to the future, no matter what it holds, and running into possibilities holding nothing back. I wonder where tomorrow might take us.
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I just read the most ridiculous sentence I have seen all week. I'll share it with you. "Homosexuality isn't about sex- it's about love." What? Hold up. Homosexuality doesn't describe love. Heterosexuality doesn't describe love. Someone who identifies as homosexual is sexually attracted to the same sex. Someone who identifies as heterosexual is sexually attracted to the opposite sex. No matter who you're attracted to, sexuality has to do with attraction, flirtation, cute little butterflies in your tummy, and sex. No matter how you split it, any type of sexuality has to do with sex. Sure, it might encompass other things that would eventually lead up to sex, maybe even including romantic love in some instances, but you cannot say that sexuality isn't about sex. Stop it. Desires can be sinful, flirtations can be sinful, romance can be sinful, and sex can certainly be sinful. The fact of the matter is that any type of sin separates us from a great and holy God. Because our righteousness is like filthy rags, and because we continually break God's law, we deserve to die and spend our eternities in hell. Love is an immeasurable word. Love is a great concept that is marvelously demonstrated when acted upon. But there was an ultimate act of love from our creator. God loves us so much that he sent his son to die for us. Jesus bled and died on a cross so that we wouldn't have to suffer hell if we would accept him in our lives.
Following him includes casting off sin, which in some cases involves casting off desire, flirtation, romance, and even sex. These things are supposed to be so great all the time, when in fact they can lead us in the wrong direction. People are drawn away from God often by their own lusts. It doesn't matter who those lusts are for. Jesus's model of love is perfect. He gave himself completely for the ones he loved, his church. Husbands are instructed to love their wives in the same way- wholly. The Bible does not offer instruction in any of its pages for homosexual couples. It doesn't give advice on how to make that sort of a "marriage" successful, because God didn't design that sort of marriage. It condemns homosexual sex the same way it condemns fornication and adultery. Paul calls church leaders in the New Testament to be "husbands of one wife" and to live as righteously as possible so that church members can use them as an example. We're supposed to abstain from all forms (and even the appearance of) sexual immorality, no matter who we are attracted to sexually or otherwise. That's what the Bible says. Jesus's love for us is worth our obedience to him.
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AuthorTwenty-something kind-of-adult woman trying to navigate her future, her calling, and her God. Archives
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