A Mostly Truthful Account, Probably Partially Fantasized by a Teenage MindI saw you as I boarded our bus to embark on an adventure. I think. The details seem a little fuzzy because that week was completely surreal. There weren't many empty seats left, but I found one behind you and managed to sit away from everyone I knew, not necessarily on purpose. I tried to make small talk and found that I am bad at socializing, especially when trying to socialize with someone sitting in the row in front of me. Needless to say, you caught my eye. I think what got to me the most was your slow and steady smile. It showed up over several seconds, then it disappeared, and your eyes twinkled. Or maybe I'm being too romantic and I was too caught up in the wanderlust of exploring such a large place with so much freedom and so many opportunities. I remember when the bus reached its first stop, we all stood up...except for you because you had a window seat, and you were too tall to stand up under the baggage hold. I felt bad for you.
I remember when it was time for us all to leave each other. I got spun around by someone, I cried as I hugged my roommate, and then I found myself in your very secure embrace. You hugged a short girl the right way. I probably would have fought to stay right there for several minutes if you had thought it was more proper and I hadn't worried about my parents being behind me watching. I tried to keep up with you even though I hardly kept up with anyone else, not even my roommate who I still love so dearly. But eventually, as all not-in-person friendships do, ours began to fade away as we were both caught up in the whirlwind of choices about our senior years and what we would do with our futures. I was busy with so many things and I pushed myself to accomplish and give one hundred percent to so many things and I left everyone from that adventure out of my social circle. Then, by chance, someone said your name and I remembered all this and more. I found out you were going to college with me in the fall. I got a big case of butterflies, and after days of debate, I texted you again. You replied. It was a great feeling. I felt so triumphant even though I had accomplished practically nothing, but I felt good because I had done something that the heart wanted without letting the brain talk me out of it. That's where I am now. I am hoping for a friendship and quieting any want for more than that. My silly heart does not need to run around with romanticized notions of what might be, or of what currently is. Sometimes, talking to you feels like playing a hard game of chess where I can barely remember the rules. Other times, it feels like blowing bubbles and spinning around on a sunny day. I am looking forward to the future, no matter what it holds, and running into possibilities holding nothing back. I wonder where tomorrow might take us.
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AuthorTwenty-something kind-of-adult woman trying to navigate her future, her calling, and her God. Archives
August 2017
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