The title of this post also happens to be the title of a movie that I have never seen. Continuing on. I thought this was kind of fitting. I heard a girl I have a class with sing a song to this effect today, which I am learning and will probably end up singing in church. We have a heavenly father above with eyes full of mercy, and a heart full of love He really cares when your head is bowed low Consider the lilies, and then you will know. I know it seems kind of weird and old fashioned, but God's compassion toward me is amazing. I can't comprehend the expanse of his grace. He loves people I can't in myself. He loves what society says is unlovable. He fixes what society says is and will always be broken. My God is powerful. Now, let me relate this to my life in a way that slapped me across the face a few minutes ago. I was looking at people I don't follow on Twitter from my school initially to find out how my school was doing in football-things. I ended up seeing some things that really made me question, "Is that how most people feel?" A lot of things really blew my mind. I think that I only see a little piece of my high school. I see the smart kids sometimes, the theater kids all of the time, and my fellow seniors sometimes. One particular post caught me off guard. It was from a guy I haven't had a class with in at least two years. I have even been guilty of saying that he would be fantastic if his personality matched up with his appearance. Yep, that was wrong of me. I'm definitely not perfect, and I judge more often than I should. Anyway, this really cute on the outside/hurt on the inside guy had posted about how he bottles things up, and that "this" is why he doesn't like relationships, or why he doesn't go to church, or why he doesn't let people in. And my heart broke a little for him. In May, I am graduating and I will leave most of the people I have seen daily for four years behind me. And things like this make me wonder what type of mark I will leave. Good actress, smart girl with 30 on her ACT, didn't date (maybe a little prudish), straight edge, loves Jesus, came to all but one home football game, tried to really get the experience of a senior year. And it makes me wonder how much of each of those pieces that make up me I have let everyone else see. I'm really guarded about myself. I just wonder if I let my defenses down more often, how many people I could show God's love. It makes me really think about if I'm wasting my time or putting it to good use. I want to change my high school before I leave it. I want to be a light that can shine into those dark corners, behind all those walls that people put up every day. God knocked many of mine down to save me, but I have spent much of my time rebuilding them so that it's hard for people to see in. I want to be transparent. I want to be someone who can reflect love and hope in a place that seems really dark a lot of the time. In a place that seems very dazed and confused, I want to shine light in recesses where most people don't care to look. I want people to know the God I met one night, because when he tore my walls down I became a different person.
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I really liked this video. Also, a quote from something I watched/read/saw earlier this past week:
"People will surprise you if you let them." I want to start this post with a memory from my summer. I realize it might seem a little strange and off topic, but bear with me. The story is nice (but this blog post is going to be long!) Yes, that is the US Marine Corps monument of the flag raisers at Iwo Jima. Yes, this blog post is going to be about marriage. I don't think I've blogged about it most of it yet, but I think I've mentioned that I had the fantastic opportunity to visit Washington, D.C. this June. After listening to and watching the Marine Corps marching band and drill team at Washington Park, we were invited by our trip leaders to go in groups and explore this beautiful monument with other states' youth tours. I was walking around with a couple of my friends talking about theater or music or maybe even boys, and somehow we happened upon a guy from Illinois (I think) named Conner. I complimented Conner and told him that he had a theater voice, and asked him if he performed in theater or if he sang. He said yes. Suddenly, and losing all inhibition of talking to boys, my friend or myself (I forget which) asked him if he would sing for us. Conner from Illinois proceeded to jump up on the wall you see on the right surrounding the base of the monument, and sang something that sounded like Sinatra. I get chill bumps thinking about it, not because it was so good (it was), but because a seventeen year old boy jumped on a National Monument in the midst of all this heaviness from listening to the Sunset "Parade" and thinking about visiting Arlington soon and dreading going home, and sang to me. You can call it teenage stupidity if you want. In all honesty, part of it probably was. But I hope I never forget that night, because it made me remember that even when things are heavy, you can find someone to lift you up and give you a new perspective on things. (Analogy completed.)
Any friend can encourage you and make you look at something in a different way. I realize that. I'm not disputing that. But the point I want to make is that the deeper level of shared experience and intimacy in a marriage is what makes that encouragement so much more meaningful than a friend saying, "You can do better." A marriage is more than a friendship. A marriage is more than mutual attraction, more than mutual lust or wanting. It's even more than reciprocated love. A marriage is a commitment and a covenant for your spouse saying that you will do whatever it takes to encourage them to draw closer to God and make them happy. In a marriage, people look past themselves and whatever anyone else might say or however silly it might be and they give their partner what he or she needs completely and unceasingly, with the help of God. That is what a marriage is.
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AuthorTwenty-something kind-of-adult woman trying to navigate her future, her calling, and her God. Archives
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