You're about to be dosed with some hard-hitting journalism.
Procrastination is bad! At least, for me it is. When I'm under a lot of pressure I slow way down and forget how normal things are supposed to work. I bet you can guess this has not worked out to my advantage when I waited until two days before my term paper was due to start working on it. I did a grade calculation, and if I get a C on this paper, full credit in all of my quizzes, and do really well on the final exam. I'll be able to escape with a 91%. Don't get me wrong- I love this class. I really do. British Literature is really freaking cool. It's just I'm so bad at planning and managing my time I wrote an introduction yesterday, outlined this morning, and have been writing (or driving or cooking) most of this afternoon. This blog post is an exercise to prove to my brain that I can do this. I can make words come out of my brain and express coherent ideas. I do not have writer's block. I have "I'm tired of my topic because we covered this at the beginning of the semester and my first draft is rough in several places" block. This is the struggle with working at a writing center. We know all of the things we need to do- have a clear thesis statement, make specific claims, back those claims up with evidence, give your topic some outer significance, but sometimes we have no flipping idea how to apply those things to our own writing. It's been like a year since I wrote an essay, or at least it feels like it. This is a lot of work for twenty four hours. Now I'm looking up the menu for my restaurant options for tonight. I am not going to want to cook. To go to my apartment or stay here.... either way I think I need to eat before I finish this up. I have two paragraphs of content left, I think, then more should be added when I revise. I might end up reworking my introduction and adding summary before I start my comparison. I really think some Panera mac and cheese with a sandwich might be conducive to success. Let's find out.
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I like to say I'm a realist even though that's not true. I am a staunch, hardcore idealist, and that's just the way my personality is hardwired. I'd like to think there's good in everyone. But a seemingly bleak reality I've had to face is that is in no way true. Humans suck. We're greedy and prideful and self-centered and all-around mean. As much as I'd like to ignore the fact that all of those things are natural, I can't. That brings me to our dilemma of the day- the good person problem. I, like I'm sure many of you, often designate people into categories based upon their actions. Good person, bad person. I, like the attached web comic, often try to separate this distinction from religion. In many a conversation with those of differing religious backgrounds, I can recall myself saying, "Of course you can be a good person." I really want to believe that, and maybe on some perverted level it's true. The world certainly has a morality of its own, and whether or not that comes from God or is hardwired into us or is an adaptation so we don't destroy ourselves as a society is, for my argument's sake, irrelevant, because through my actual moral lens, the one untainted by my personality and kept clear by objective truth, there is no such thing as a good person. There are people who regularly make good choices, and that's great for them. I at least hope I usually fall into that category. In reality, though, we all consistently fall short of truly putting others before ourselves and treating others as we want to be treated. On our own, that's a completely unreachable standard. The good person problem happens when the secular world holds up good works like a measuring stick and shoves the church beside it. There are atheists who do more charity work than the modern day church; just look at Bill and Melinda Gates, they say. There are Muslims who are more devout in avoiding temptation than Christians- it takes tons of dedication to follow rules day in and day out. Being devoutly spiritual is fine as long as your faith doesn't harm others and it's even better if you know the reality of salvation, and charity work is something we, as Christians, are literally commanded to do. Those things are great. But doing those things does not and can never make us great. We fall short and miss the mark almost constantly, so humans suck. The elusive good person does not exist. No one wants to hear that because we want to believe that all our cute little efforts to do the right thing will eventually earn us some shiny gold stars and pats on the back from the people that surround us, but those rewards have no eternal significance. Nothing I could ever do could even begin to qualify as good on my own. Without Christ I am literally nothing. Without Christ the world is literally tearing itself apart, clinging to pseudo-righteousness and false codes of behavioral standards no one can ever live up to. So, Christian, congratulations. Your life is tainted by sin and is thus filthy. That seems like a damning statement, sure. But in it, you can find liberation like you've never known before. You will never be held to some standard of good works that you can never keep. There is nothing you can do to make God look at you and smile more than he already does, because when he looks at you, he sees his perfect son. The straight up truth is that no matter who you are, you are not a good person. But you can become a redeemed person with the potential for everlasting good if you turn your life over to Christ. Embrace the person God has said you can become and run to the cross. Don't let the world hold you back. He has a smile that lights up his eyes and a laugh that is deep and tells a story of which you'd like to hear more
He listens closely and values your words and how you put them together He loves his family, and always answers when his mom calls He wants to live out his dreams and isn't afraid of backup plans He has silver fingers on his guitar and the way he plays them mimics the way he happens to strum on your heart without even knowing He has a voice that is deep and inviting and when he sings he makes you feel all of the feels and you'd love to hear him talk about anything and everything for a very long time He loves kids and his backup plan is saturated with them He does not like commitment because he does not like disappointing people He says, "Marriage will be hard" He is hard to nail down, to put into words, but your affection is becoming easier to articulate He always replies to your text messages, even if it's three days after the fact, and then He apologizes that he has taking so long although the wait has been more nervous than inconvenient He laced his fingers through yours once and you wish that he would do it again and again and again He bent down and wrapped his arms around you twice (on special occasions) and those hugs were the best two hugs you'd ever had (not that you're counting) He ignores the future and overanalyzes things, not unlike yourself in both regards He does not want to grow up and reminds you a little of Peter Pan (aside from the adulthood thing, they are both blonde and charming) He thinks that going into the room where a girl sleeps is awkward and although you kind of share the sentiment, you are willing to endure and hope that your friends love you enough to deal with him He follows through with the few promises he makes and when he does, he does so with a smile He thinks before he speaks when others are around, but when around you, He says silly and sometimes offensive things that could be taken way out of context, as long as you're alone together He has become very talkative now that you know him better, and you want this trend to continue He is the most attractive person you have ever met (not just physically) and you can't decide whether he should know that or not He seems like he's the real deal (you'd love to find out) He has been in your dreams (subconsciously, you wrestle with ideas of him and ideas of feelings and you are just as awkward as he is) but He is awkward in the best way, and you wouldn't change a thing He is mellow and witty and tall and understated to your loud and short and smart and harsh He is not perfect, as you are well aware, but you would really appreciate him to offer you more opportunities to add, delete, and revise this list a million times over |
AuthorTwenty-something kind-of-adult woman trying to navigate her future, her calling, and her God. Archives
August 2017
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